BDSM symbols: what the emblem, flag, ring and collar mean

For most of its modern history, BDSM was practised privately and discussed with care, if at all. Symbols solved a practical problem: people who share an interest need a way to find each other without announcing it to everyone else. A pin, a ring or a coloured cloth says "I belong to this world" to people who recognise it and nothing to anyone else, so most BDSM symbols are abstract, small or easy to pass off as jewellery.

Several of these symbols have disputed or unrecorded origins, so a date appears below only where one is well documented.

The BDSM emblem is a triskelion-like design: three divisions inside a circle, with a hole in each. It dates from 1995, is credited to Steve Quagmyr and was offered as an emblem for the community as a whole. A triskelion is an old motif of three arms radiating from a centre, and the emblem borrows that three-fold form; a triskelion also tops the ring in Story of O, described below.

The designer's own notes read the three divisions as B&D, D&S and S&M, and the holes as the incompleteness of any one person without a complementary other. Being abstract, the emblem can sit on a lapel pin, a pendant, a patch or a tattoo without explaining itself.

The leather pride flag was designed by Tony DeBlase in 1989 for the leather community, whose roots lie in gay leather culture and which has since widened to include kinksters of every orientation. It was first shown at the International Mr. Leather contest in Chicago. Its nine stripes alternate black and blue around a white centre stripe, with a red heart in the upper corner. DeBlase left the meaning to the viewer, and the readings the community has settled on are black for leather, blue for denim, white for purity and the red heart for love.

You will see it at leather and Pride events and on jackets and badges. It belongs to a community with its own history, so wear it with that in mind, not as a costume.

Story of O is a French novel published in 1954 under the pen name Pauline Réage. Its heroine submits to her lover and then to another man, and after her training she wears a ring of dull grey iron, lined with gold and topped with a triskelion, that marks her as belonging to the circle that trained her. The book is still argued over, partly because readers disagree about how it treats consent, and modern BDSM, which depends on explicit negotiation, does not take its plot as a model.

The ring escaped the story. Since the 1990s, mainly in continental Europe, people have worn similar rings to show an interest in BDSM, and in some circles the hand shows the role: left for a dominant, right for a submissive. Customs differ between circles, so treat any rule you read as local, and ask before you read anything into a stranger's ring.

A collar is the best-known mark of belonging between a Mistress and a submissive, and the collar and leash page covers its meaning and rules. The day collar is its discreet cousin: a fine chain, a cord, a ring on a necklace or a pendant that passes as ordinary jewellery and carries a message for two people only. Whatever form it takes, it stays loose enough for two fingers to slide under, nothing pulls on it, and it comes off before you sleep.

Photos cannot be sent through the site, and in a one-way private She cannot see what you wear, so a collar is worn on trust and reported in a written message if it matters.

Keys and padlocks stand for chastity. A key on a chain worn by a Mistress can say that somebody's lock answers to Her, and a padlock worn as a pendant can say the reverse. Both pass as jewellery; the chastity keyholder page explains the practice behind them.

Colours do two different jobs. The first is the handkerchief code, a system of coloured cloths worn in a back pocket to signal what the wearer likes and whether he leads or follows; it grew up in the gay leather community and was most widely used in the 1970s. No single standard ever existed, so no chart can tell you what a stranger means today.

The second job belongs to the safeword colours: green means carry on, yellow means ease off and red means stop. They are used inside a scene, never worn as a badge, and the safeword guide explains how they work when She cannot hear you.

A symbol is a signal and nothing more. A ring, a pin or a flag says that you belong to a community or an interest; it never says that you consent to anything, and it never invites approach from someone you have not asked. Treat a stranger's symbol as information they chose to share, to be met with courtesy.

Discretion is the other half. A symbol ties your private life to the places where you wear it, and a pendant that means nothing to your colleagues can mean a great deal to one who knows. Decide where you are happy to be recognised, and remember that a symbol in a username or an avatar is public to everyone who sees it.

Because nothing on DominatrixCam is arranged in person, symbols here work as decoration and a shared code, not as membership cards. A Mistress may wear leather, a key pendant or a flag in Her room; the leather Mistress page covers the look, the history of the dominatrix its origins, and BDSM cams the practices behind the symbols.