Dominant things to say to a man, and when to say them

A line that thrills one man can wound another, so the words are negotiated just like the acts. Sit down together with clothes on and ask three things: which names he enjoys being called, which subjects are off the table (his job, his body, his family are common ones), and what he never wants to hear. Write the answers down. The BDSM limits list gives you a format, and the negotiation guide covers the wider conversation.

Then settle a stop word. It should be something you would never say in play, and when he says it everything halts, with no question and no correction. A second, softer word for slow down is useful too; the safeword guide explains how both work. Everything below is written for two adults who have done this, and none of it is an insult he has not chosen.

The first sentence tells him the scene has started, so make it unmistakable and keep it quiet. You do not need to raise your voice; lowering it makes him lean in. Pause after each line and let him take it in before you go on.

• "Come here and stand in front of me."
• "Tonight you do what I say, and only that."
• "Look at me while I'm talking to you."
• "Take a breath. Good. Now listen."
• "You don't need to think about anything. I'll decide."
• "Sit there until I tell you otherwise."

A good instruction names one action, says when, and stops. Leave out the apology, the maybe and the question mark. If you catch yourself ending with "okay?", delete it: you agreed the limits beforehand, so the instruction itself can stay firm.

Vary the length of the pause as well as the words. A long silence after an order makes the order heavier than another sentence ever could. These lines work in a bedroom, a kitchen or a hallway:

• "Kneel. Slowly."
• "Hands behind your back until I say."
• "Take your time undressing. I want to watch."
• "Do not touch yourself. That belongs to me tonight."
• "Say it again, properly this time."
• "Wait. Wait. Now."
• "You may ask. You may not beg yet."

Praise is the part beginners skip and experienced dominants save for last. Because you give it sparingly, each line lands as a reward. Be specific about what he did, since "well done for waiting" is warmer than a general compliment. Between adults, warm words of approval are a pleasure in their own right; the praise kink guide explores why they affect people so strongly.

• "That's exactly what I wanted."
• "You waited so nicely. I noticed."
• "I like how quickly you obey when you're relaxed."
• "Better. You make this easy for me."
• "You've earned something for that."
• "I'm pleased with you."

Teasing works through anticipation, so describe what you might do and then do not do it yet. Keep your tone amused rather than angry, and let him hear that you are enjoying the wait more than he is. Tease and denial goes into the method; the dirty talk page shows how Mistresses blend these registers.

• "Not yet. I'm not nearly finished with you."
• "Look how much you want it. How lovely."
• "I'll decide when you get to stop waiting."
• "You'll have it when I'm ready, and not a second before."
• "Does it ache? Good. Hold that thought."
• "I could stop here. I haven't decided."

Some men want to be teased about their eagerness or their position, and some find it unpleasant, so this section applies only if he has said yes to it in your negotiation. Keep it about the game, never about real insecurities, and keep checking by watching his face and breathing. If he goes quiet in the wrong way, stop and ask in your ordinary voice. The lines below are deliberately mild; anything crude or cruel needs its own explicit agreement, and slurs never belong.

• "Look at you, so eager to be told what to do."
• "You'd do anything I asked right now, wouldn't you?"
• "That's a very obedient face. It suits you."
• "Such a lot of fuss, and I've barely started."
• "Say thank you. Properly."

A message can set a scene hours before it begins. Because it waits for him, it can carry a deadline and a task, and the pleasure is in the anticipation. Keep each message to a line or two, and remember that texts are written, so ask for a written report back instead of anything he would have to send as a picture.

Agree beforehand which times are fair game, because a command arriving during a meeting is a problem rather than a thrill. Lines that work well on a screen:

• "Be home by seven. Shower first. Wait for me in the bedroom."
• "Report to me tonight, in writing, on how well you behaved today."
• "No touching until I say. I'll know if you did."
• "Good morning. Today you will do exactly as you're told."
• "Tell me what you're thinking about. Be honest."
• "I'm in a generous mood. Ask nicely."

Close on purpose, in a different voice. Dropping back into your everyday tone tells him the roles are over and lets both of you step out together. Offer water, a blanket or simply a hand to hold, and ask how he is. Aftercare is for the dominant too, so plan your own check-in; the aftercare guide covers what each of you may need.

• "That's all for tonight. Well done."
• "Come here. How are you feeling?"
• "Thank you for trusting me with that."
• "We'll talk tomorrow about what we both liked."
• "Drink this, then rest."

A script read aloud sounds like a script. Take two or three lines from each section, change them until they sound like you, and say them in the mirror once. If "Mine" feels grand, use "Mine for tonight"; if the formal address feels silly, drop it. Authority comes from calm and timing, not from vocabulary.

It also helps to listen to professionals. The dominant woman guide describes the range of styles, and how to be a Domme covers first steps at home. If you want to hear a practised voice, watch a few public rooms on the shows page: most are free to enter, and you can notice how Mistresses pace a sentence. A private with one of our own is one-way, delivered online and billed per minute at Her rate, so you can simply listen to a full scene without interruption.