Who a sadist is, and who a masochist is
In everyday speech a sadist is simply a cruel person. In BDSM the word means almost the opposite: someone who enjoys giving pain, intensity or control to a partner who wants it, and who watches that partner's limits closely. A masochist is the person who enjoys receiving it, from a sharp sting to a long, slow ache, and someone who enjoys both sides is a sadomasochist.
Neither word is a judgement of character. A good sadist is a careful one, and a masochist's pleasure is not in being hurt against their will, which would be injury, but in feeling something intense that they chose, at a level they can take.
Where the words come from
Both words are borrowed from people. The Marquis de Sade, a French aristocrat who spent much of his adult life in prison, wrote novels that dwell on cruelty done to people who never agreed to it, and sadism took his name.
Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, an Austrian writer, published the novella Venus in Furs in 1870, about a man who asks a woman to treat him as her slave and signs a contract to that effect; masochism took his name. In the late nineteenth century the psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebing took both names into clinical use for sexual interests.
The two origins point in different directions. Sade's fiction is about harm without consent, which is exactly what consensual BDSM is not. Sacher-Masoch's story is about a man who chooses to submit to a woman and writes down the terms, which sits much closer to femdom as it is practised now.
Why some people enjoy pain
Nobody has a complete explanation, and anyone who offers one with certainty is guessing. The commonest account starts with the body: intense sensation prompts adrenaline and endorphins, the body's own pain-dampening chemicals, and in a setting that feels safe the brain can read that surge as rewarding rather than threatening. Anticipation and attention add to it, because a countdown, a held position or a steady voice can narrow the mind to a single point. That is how people commonly explain it, not a medical claim, and it fits each person differently.
Context does most of the work. The same sting from an accident or a bully is unpleasant, because it carries no choice and no end. From someone you trust, inside a scene you agreed, it carries a meaning you chose, and the meaning changes the feeling. That is why masochists so often say that what they enjoy is not pain as such but what it stands for.
Pain kink: finding the part you want
A more useful question than why you like pain is which part of the experience you are after. Common answers include:
- The intensity itself: a clean sting or a deep ache that fills the attention.
- Surrender: a sensation you cannot bargain with, because someone else has set its limits and its length.
- Anticipation: the wait before a stroke or a count, which can absorb you more than the moment itself.
- Ritual and punishment: pain given as a sentence for a named fault, with a beginning, an end and the feeling that the account is settled.
- Closeness afterwards: the softness that follows an intense scene, with praise, calm and permission to rest.
Pain play and what it covers
Pain play is the umbrella for practices in which pain or strong sensation is the chosen ingredient. Femdom spanking is the intimate end, corporal punishment the formal one, with a charge, a sentence and a count, and whipping and flogging the theatrical one, where skill and sound matter most. CBT, cock and ball torture, is a specialism with stricter rules, and the sensation play guide covers the gentler neighbour built on warmth, cold and softness. Listings that mention CBT, spanking or corporal punishment come first in this page's grid.
Intense scenes can also bring a floaty, absorbed state that the subspace guide describes, and a comedown afterwards worth planning for. More than one of the reasons above may apply to you, and none of them needs fixing. This guide cannot assess anyone: if the interest distresses you or feels out of your control, talk to a counsellor who is comfortable with kink.
How S&M works online when She cannot touch you
Nothing on this site is arranged in person, so a sadist here works through sight, sound and instruction. She draws a cane through the air, brings a paddle down on a leather cushion so you hear what it would do, counts aloud and describes where the next stroke would land. For many masochists the sound and the waiting carry as much weight as contact.
In a private with one of our own Mistresses nothing travels from you to Her: you watch and listen, your camera and microphone stay off and there is no chat box, so She cannot see how you respond, hear you or read a word from you. Anything you do to yourself is your own choice and control, agreed with Her in a text message beforehand. Her public room, mostly free to enter, is the place for questions, because a typed message in its chat reaches Her there; private time is billed per minute at Her own rate in US dollars. Cam2cam, if you want Her to watch, exists only in LiveJasmin partner rooms marked ↗, as a paid extra in credits on that site.
Rules that never bend
Nothing in this guide asks anyone to be injured. Wherever pain play appears, any sensation you give yourself stops at sharp pain, numbness or any doubt, and doubt is reason enough without an explanation. Agree the act, the implement and a scale before the private begins, start lighter than you think you need, and keep every stroke away from the neck, the face, the joints, the spine and the kidneys. Nothing here involves restricting your breathing. The impact play safety guide and the BDSM safety guide go further.
Questions people ask
What is a masochist?
Someone who enjoys receiving pain, intense sensation or humbling treatment by agreement, at a level they choose. The word describes a preference, not a diagnosis, and it does not mean a person hurt against their will. Many masochists say the appeal lies in surrender, anticipation and trust; injury is never the aim.
What is a sadist in BDSM?
Someone who enjoys giving pain, intense sensation or control to a partner who wants it. A good sadist is a careful one: limits are agreed first and anything can be stopped. It is not the cruel person the word means in everyday speech.
Where do the words sadism and masochism come from?
From two writers: the Marquis de Sade, a French author whose novels describe cruelty to people who never agreed, and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, an Austrian author whose novella Venus in Furs of 1870 has a man submit to a woman by contract. The psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebing took both names into clinical use in the late nineteenth century.
Why do I like pain?
There is no single answer. A common explanation involves endorphins, adrenaline and the brain's reward response, and context matters as much: the same sensation from someone you trust, in a scene you chose, carries a different meaning. Surrender, anticipation and ritual often matter more than the sting. A kink-aware counsellor can help if it troubles you.
Is it normal to enjoy pain?
Enjoying consensual intensity is a widely shared interest, and wanting it says nothing bad about you. What matters is consent, limits and stopping at sharp pain, numbness or doubt. If hurting yourself ever feels like a way to cope with distress rather than a pleasure you chose, talk to a doctor or a support service.
How can pain play work over a webcam?
She cannot touch you, so She demonstrates on a cushion or a prop, counts aloud and describes each stroke, and anything you do to yourself is your own choice, agreed beforehand. In a one-way private She cannot see you, so you keep to the limits you set. Nothing involves restricting your breathing.
